Scripture: Deuteronomy 11:8–21; Numbers 28:1–15
And we do with earnestness recommend to all such parents as have experienced the gracious dealings of the Lord with their own souls, to take all proper opportunities of instilling into the minds of their children just sentiments respecting the vanity and emptiness of fading and transitory enjoyments; and to direct them to seek after that solid peace and serenity of mind, which attends the sincere practice of true religion and virtue, and which only can afford any durable and solid satisfaction. —Extracts from the minutes and advices of the Yearly meeting of Friends held in London (1781)
Questions: If you were asked why you worship, what would you say? What rituals do you observe in your meeting for worship or in other aspects of your community life together? Which ones do you find useful and important? Are there rituals or customs that feel empty or like they have lost their meaning? What does your faith community do to intentionally practice gratitude to God for seasonal and life events? In what ways does your community commemorate God’s past faithfulness?
In 2004, I accepted a call as field staff for Friends United Meeting, which meant moving to East Africa with my spouse and two boys. Our first trip to Kenya came on the heels of an exhilarating period in my ministry. I felt open to whatever God would bring next in my life, confident that I could go to the ends of the earth in obedience to God.
From the beginning of the trip, I was aware of how little I understood, and I didn’t like the feeling of not knowing what was going on around me. Within a few days, I began to feel anxious, teary, ungrounded, and to have frighteningly vivid dreams. Some of this is a natural response to a cross-cultural experience, but I’d done a lot of international travel before and never felt that unstable. I had a feeling it might be related to the anti-malarial drug I was taking. After many sleepless nights and a major panic attack, I saw a doctor who understood that I was reacting to the medication. I stopped taking it and felt somewhat better within weeks.
I continued to seek discernment about going back to Kenya to work for FUM, but I no longer felt confident in my abilities. Thus began a fruitful and difficult period of my spiritual life.
I have come to see this time in terms of the wilderness stories in Scripture, especially the story of the Hebrew people spending forty years in the wilderness. Jesus, too, spent time in the wilderness. The wilderness story of our lives isn’t necessarily a linear narrative, but for many, it is a necessary part of how God readies us for service and ministry. I have gone deeper into an awareness of unknowing and of weakness. Sometimes I’ve felt at peace about it, sometimes not.
Just as the Israelites at times wanted to turn back to Egypt, I had to learn that my path entailed going forward through fear. When I feel my weaknesses and vulnerabilities peeled away from me like the layers of an onion and discover new understandings in their place, I name this as God working in me, equipping me for faithful obedience.
Through it all, I felt surprisingly clear that I was called to go back to Kenya to work for FUM. It was as if I knew, even then, that the only way through the cloud of unknowing is to head directly into the place of greatest uncertainty. Wisdom comes in realizing that I don’t need to see down the road. I focus on my faithful steps today. In this way, the wilderness experience teaches me to surrender my desire to control and learn to trust God.
–Eden Grace in “Friendly Perspective” from Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy: Following God Together