Scripture: Numbers 20:1–13; Deuteronomy 8:4–18
For they shall be filled with righteous glory ... as they bring forth much fruit in his vine; whereby Truth’s Heavenly Father is honored, and does also honor those who honor the fountain from whence the living water gushes out, as he speaketh and men do live upon that spiritual rock; the fountain of life, through his true and faithful witnesses to their messages of salvation, in their publishing of peace, as their feet are prepared by the peace-maker of all God’s sons who inherit his blessings of glad tidings which they do bring with them, to say unto Zion, “Behold, thy God reigneth.” —Abraham Lawton
Questions: Think about a time when you felt particularly vulnerable when in a literal or figurative wilderness. What did you learn about your relationship with God from this experience? In what ways have you witnessed the importance of community when navigating the wilderness? What are you going to do to ensure you are paying attention to your vulnerability and reliance upon God more fully and learning how to place your trust in God?
I remember feeling confident in my certainty about many things when I was young. It gave me a sense of identity and belonging. I knew who I was, rooted in my beliefs; I knew the groups I wanted to be part of – those aligning with my beliefs; and I knew I wanted to live my life based on the values emerging from those beliefs. But as I aged, my experiences and my interpretations of those experiences no longer aligned with my former identity. It took a while to wake up to my questions and even longer to notice I no longer fit that version of me. I found myself in the midst of a wilderness.
Part of waking up involved paying attention to the level of energy I was expending to filter and resist my doubts and insecurities I felt from not really knowing with certainty anymore. Some of my behaviors were attempts to numb the pain and the fear of not knowing. It became evident that if I paid attention to my internal dialogue and the signs my body gave me through my emotions and physical responses, my external landscape would have to shift. Paying attention led to a point of true reckoning.
Even though the Israelites were oppressed in Egypt, when they faced the exposure of the wilderness, they wanted to return. Attachments to outgrown identity and belonging and the comfort they bring – even when momentary – can be seductive when we are faced with the vulnerability of not knowing. I took courage by remembering the Israelites, who in their best moments paid attention to the Light of God in the pillar of fire and the cloud leading Moses, Aaron, and Miriam. Together they formed a different way of living, a new way of thinking, and an identity based in God.
Internal wilderness can be entered at any age and stage in life. Particular experiences, circumstances, and challenges to the ways we have previously viewed the world invite us to reposition our approach to knowing. Some might describe this as living into the questions rather than searching for answers. The people of Israel lived into the questions and experienced God through their time of vulnerability in the wilderness. I pray that you and I will also pay attention to God in the midst of our internal wilderness experiences.
–Darla Samuelson in “Friendly Perspective” from Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy: Following God Together